The Top Seven Rejected Toys of 2007

The Ted Kennedy's Liver Beanbag Chair.
Made from genuine donkey hides and utilizing a unique stuffing system comprised of hot air and pork. May be used as a flotation device.

The Ann Coulter Home Genetics Testing Kit.
Now you can finally determine beyond a doubt if your seXXy lover is truly seXY. Comes complete with mouth swabs, depilatory and mock turtleneck. Appropriate for all ages and indeterminate genders.

The Bill O'Reilly Brand Falafel Flavored Loofah.
Whether you are sexually harassing subordinates or just kicking back being a douchebag, now comes the perfect tool for clumsy self pleasure. Perfect for the dirty, old man in your life. Costs: an undisclosed amount, your dignity.

The Pastor Ted Haggard Game of Non-Gay Life.
Now you too can live the life of a powerful and influential man teetering on the precipice! It's the classic battle of good v. evil! "Yay, Tommy! You have rolled a 144 and have won acceptance into Pray the Gay Away Camp! Sit out three turns and be welcomed into the cleansing light of Jesus!" "Oh no, Jimmy! You rolled triple sixes! You're condemned to a life of cock sucking and meth abuse!"Warning: May cause hypocrisy. Appropriate for: no one.

The Mike Huckabee AIDS Patient Concentration Camp Play Set.
Warning: May leave an oily taste in the mouth and cause uncomfortable shifting and back-peddling. Made in China, sired in ignorance.

The Lil' Hillary Future Shrew Costume Extravaganza Dress Up Playset.
Comes with seven pantsuits, a nutcracker, a mask with faces on both sides and a velvet pouch for your playmate's "jewels." Warning: may cause insane cackling and voice changes to sound more "southern negro."

The Willard Mitt Romney Pander Bear.
Cozy up your cuddly constituent! Comes with magical underpants and two mates. Costs: next to nothing because it's made by illegal immigrants.